I’m abstaining from using Tumblr from now on. I need to get my life back, and that means conquering my internet addiction. Less staring at this screen, sitting on my arse, mindlessly scrolling through crap. Yes the healthy / fitspo / motivational stuff is good to look at, but getting myself outside or picking up my guitar and being more creative and active is far better. Ciao~

heychickadee:

You can now purchase official Doctor Cat products at Hey Chickadee.com!

Doctor Cat! Yayyyyyy!

What have I been missing out on..? O__O

I will… I haven’t given up yet.

blog2inspire:

Image source

abydos6 replied to your post: Life of late…

What are you studying? What made you study it in the first place? Can you change your PHD now? Is there something else you can do now?

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Thanks very much for reading and replying… My PhD is in molecular neurobiology / experimental pharmacology. I’m studying the epigenetics of schizophrenia and the molecular mechanisms of antipsychotics. I came to this PhD following a passion for biology, molecular genetics in particular, and mental illness (as it is so close to home). However, I’ve lost my way in realising that I hate the way research is done. I don’t know if you can just change your PhD, but it really wouldn’t be worth it as I’d have to start from scratch and scrap 3 years worth of work. There are other things I could do but I’d be throwing away those 3 years of my life when I’m already so close (hopefully only a year left) and I’d most probably regret it for the rest of my life… I’d love to get into psychology and help others more directly, but I’m quite burned out from study and trying to push through another 4 years isn’t looking too crash hot. Add in the fact that I’d no longer be getting paid to study and have to pick up extra work in the meanwhile.. T-T Why didn’t I realise this sooner…

On a positive note… I’m going in to meet with my supervisors tomorrow about getting some extra guidance and help in completing the PhD. I’ve basically got all the data I need to complete it, it’s just a matter of doing some final validations and  publishing my final 2 papers (I’ve already published one). I hate asking for help, but when you’re suffering from depression (or any mental illness) you really need to learn how to ask for help…

I don’t know why I feel like sharing this with Tumblr, maybe it’s because no one here really knows me whatsoever, and it’s most likely that no one will care or pay much attention, but at least I’ll have been able to vent, get it out of my system.

Ok, so ‘my’ depression and anxiety have been horrific of late. I haven’t been to work for the past 2 weeks. I haven’t been suicidal, but I have felt like I just don’t care so much about life any more. Mix in the fact that I feel like I’m getting nowhere in life. I’ve been struggling with my PhD for the past 2 years (at least). I don’t enjoy it, I don’t like the look of a career in research any more, yet I’ve come this far that I can’t just give up (I’ll regret that for the rest of my life). There are so many other people in the same boat, realising that they don’t want to work in research after the PhD over, but we just don’t know what else is out there. I’ve been given a little insight into careers such as medical writer, scientific consultant (particularly government), pharmaceutical / biotechnology sales rep, things that I’m really not all that keen on.

I feel like I’ve gone down the wrong path and it’s too late to jump off; I’ve come this far I might as well finish what I started. But then what? Get the PhD and have to begin a whole new course of study to get into something that I think I’m interested in, maybe to once again find out that I don’t like the career path? I’m really over study as it is anyhow. I don’t even have the motivation to do things that I enjoy any longer, so how the hell am I meant to push myself through the rest of this PhD or through more study?

The only thing that’s been keeping me sane, the only thing I’ve been able to motivate myself to do, that I’ve actually been enjoying in life, is going to training. Oh if only I could run off and become a ninja; go on a pilgrimage, practice training and meditating in the mountains like in the Bujinkan books that I’ve been reading. Revitalise and better myself instead of pushing myself through this draining, unrewarding life.

usefulanduseless:

by samtolsonn on Instagram

justinrampage:

With inspiration from Jemma Salume’s Skyrim Valentine’s Day cards, Tumblr artist Priscilla Tramontano created a loving Garrus / Mass Effect update.

Related Rampages: Boba Fett (More)

Paramour Achievement by Priscilla Tramontano (Flickr) (Twitter)

Via: pr1ps